2022
27 Oct: Rocky Horror 2022
Rocky Horror 2022
Date: Thu, 27 Oct 2022
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

Oh this one was a joy. This year I was assigned the song "Eddie's Teddy," so I began my set with a cover of "Teddy" by The Residents, a song with one chord (Gm) and an audience participation chorus of the phrase "touch me." (You see how clever I am, making this a bridge from an earlier Rocky Horror song?) Anyway, that went pretty well, and then I went into the main song.

Ashley joined me to sing Columbia's line, and when I got to the part about Eddie's letter, the audience called out "what's it say what's it say?" and I let them decide if I should read the letter to them.

They chose yes.

So accompanied by plaintive violin music worthy of a Ken Burns documentary, I read Eddie's letter, stylized as a Civil War soldier's correspondence. Of all the things I've done on stage, this ranks way up there among the most awesome / most stupid ever. It took five minutes to read, and was met largely with amazed disbelief: "How is this even happening?"

This is all based on some very solid performance advice, which is "give the audience a gift, then make them regret it." 14 Apr: Classic American Meat Loaf
Classic American Meat LoafPlay Video
Date: Thu, 14 Apr 2022
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

To (dis)honor the theme of Classic American Meat Loaf, I decided upon Outsider British Renaldo & The Loaf, performing "The Shoe Salesman" which they wrote in collaboration with The Residents.

Next up, I had promised to do "something outrageous" which excited some of the regulars, but haha I think I'm funny because all I did was write a song with that title. No outrageousity here.

Later, I joined The Buttery Barmaids to assist in their rendition of "I Love Onions."


2021
21 Oct: Rocky Horror Ukulele Cabaret
Rocky Horror Ukulele CabaretPlay Video
Date: 21 Oct 2021
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

First in person show in forever! I played a version of "Skeleton Inside" by The Aquabats, then Ashley joined me for the Rocky Horror number "Over at the Frankenstein Place." Way much later in the show I stormed the stage (with an accordion!) to play "Transit Beam." Good and Times.

23 Apr: Disco Ukulele Cabaret
Disco Ukulele CabaretPlay Video
Date: 23 Apr 2021
Venue: http://www.ukulelecabaret.com/

This month's theme was disco, a musical genre I know next to nothing about. Honestly, all I know is to put that stupid unyielding beat on top of an otherwise acceptable song. So, yeah, let's go all Stars on 45 on something. Late April / early May is also Uke Skywalker time, so it worked out pretty well. I recruited Adam Rabin to give it more legitimacy by adding bass and synth strings. It came out far better than it has any right to. 11 Feb: Broken Hearts v Heartbreakers
Broken Hearts v HeartbreakersPlay Video
Date: 11 Feb 2021
Venue: http://www.ukulelecabaret.com/

For this pandemic edition of this annual show, we find Garth Haines alone, isolated, and sad. So, you know, just as always. For this show, he performed "Half Past Forever" and "Stranded."
2020
24 Dec: Ukulele Cabaret Christmas Spectacular
Ukulele Cabaret Christmas SpectacularPlay Video
Date: 24 Dec 2020
Venue: http://www.ukulelecabaret.com/

To celebrate the holiday season, I recorded two videos for the show. The first was "Snow," a song Adam Rabin released 15 years ago and I have always loved. (He liked my rendition! Yay!)

The second is a re-record of a song I wrote a few months earlier called "Retroactivity," this time with an old-timey feel and an appropriately themed film to go along with it.

Here's to 2021. 28 May: Ukulele Cabaret Quinceañera
Ukulele Cabaret QuinceañeraPlay Video
Date: 28 May 2020
Venue: http://www.ukulelecabaret.com/

Wow, has the Ukulele Cabaret really been around for fifteen years? I guess so! This evening's programming came from Cabaret personalities both old and new and it was great to see all of those people together in one show. For my part, I paid tribute to a couple of my favorite regulars. First I played "Away" which is a Garth Haines song, and then "Space Invaders" from Uke Skywalker. I finished the evening by re-attempting a song I had played at my very first appearance, "1000 Umbrellas" by XTC. 23 Apr: Pajama Jam Pizza Party
Pajama Jam Pizza PartyPlay Video
Date: 23 Apr 2020
Venue: http://www.ukulelecabaret.com/

Our second livestream show was a kind of virtual sleepover, with everyone encouraged to wear their pajamas and eat pizza. NOM.

For my part, I upheld two slumber party traditions by attempting to contact the other side via a makeshift Ouija board (and performing a version of Laurie Anderson's "Ouija Board"), and saying "Bloody Mary" into a mirror three times (and failing that, performing the Velvet Underground's "I'll Be Your Mirror"). 26 Mar: As Seen on TV
As Seen on TVPlay Video
Date: 26 Mar 2020
Venue: http://www.ukulelecabaret.com/

As responsible citizens, we chose not to gather for this performance, but the show must go on! With a mix of live and pre-recorded segments, the Ukulele Cabaret went online.

The theme was "As Seen on TV" which became oddly fitting since it could only be seen through a screen. I recorded five segments, all commercial jingles, which were played throughout the evening. 27 Feb: Broken Hearts
Broken Hearts
Date: 27 Feb 2020
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

Garth Haines. Does this guy ever catch a break? After performing "You and Me" and "Circles" from his first album, he brought out his (empty) valentines shoebox and asked the audience if they'd be kind enough to write messages on provided heart-shaped paper during the intermission.

He ended his set with "Stranded" and then after intermission he read some of the valentines, which included: "You're pathetic," "Your face is dumb," "I choo-choo-choose someone else," "nobody likes you," and "you're kind of cute and fun to be with... on OPPOSITE DAY!"

Poor guy. 23 Jan: Now It's Our Turn
Now It's Our Turn
Date: 23 Jan 2020
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

It's no secret that Neil Innes is a particularly major influence on me, so tonight I paid tribute to the man with a few of his songs: "My Little Ukulele," "How Sweet To Be An Idiot," and "Slaves of Freedom" (this last with the induction into the Ego Warriors movement embedded within). The crowd wanted more, so I also did a quick rendition of "I'm The Urban Spaceman."

Photo by Shannon Ybarra:

2019
24 Oct: Rocky Horror Ukulele Cabaret
Rocky Horror Ukulele CabaretPlay Video
Date: 24 Oct 2019
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

This Rocky Horror thing seems to be making its way to an annual event. Eventually I suppose I'll have performed all of the songs (this night brings my total up to seven). But before I got to "Planet, Schmanet, Janet" I enthralled the crowd with the theme from Hausu, the 1977 art/horror film from Japan.

I also joined Jamie Scandal during her set to sing the Riff Raff part of "Wild and Untamed Thing" (sometimes listed separately as "Transit Beam"). 26 Sep: Plastic Fantastic Bombastic
Plastic Fantastic Bombastic
Date: 26 Sep 2019
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

Are you ready to RAWK? I said ARE YOU READY TO RAWK?! Ricky Blunderbuss emerges from one-off status to invade the Ukulele Cabaret stage after an absence of nine years. In this show he covered Lard's "70s Rock Must Die" then treated the crowd to "The Future of Rock 'n' Roll" which they may not have been ready for... but their kids are going to love it. 25 Jul: Psycho Beach Party
Psycho Beach Party
Date: 25 Jul 2019
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

Good clean summer fun, that's what we're all looking for. For my set, I performed "Mister Psycho" (originally by Space), "Skeet Surfing" (from the movie Top Secret!), and closed with a blues version of "(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party!)" (Beastie Boys).

In the dressing room immediately following, I was tied up by one of the Buttery Barmaids (you may be wondering how I let this happen; the answer is "a woman in a corset asked if she could tie me up"). Then she joined the others and they began their set. I hopped out to the front of the stage, and initially they seemed pleased to see me but then it went kinda psycho. They strangled me and left my corpse on the ground.

Still... would do it again. 23 May: Spring Fling
Spring Fling
Date: 23 May 2019
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

Garth Haines has not been on the Ukulele Cabaret stage for a while, and tonight we found out why: nobody told him the venue had changed! He was showing up at the old place, all alone.

But tonight he found the right place. And he played two selections: "Crushing Monotony" and a new song called "(Prelude To) The Other Side" which, yes, incorporates part of Tiny Tim's "The Other Side." 28 Mar: Rock Out With Your Uke Out
Rock Out With Your Uke Out
Date: 28 Mar 2019
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

Uke Skywalker is very happy to be here at Earth. He has lots of friends who live in Earth. On this particular night he played "Transmission," "Rocketship," Bowie's "Suffragette City," and for an encore, "Space Invaders." 28 Feb: Kink or Kinks
Kink or Kinks
Date: 28 Feb 2019
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

The directive for the evening was to perform songs about kink, or by The Kinks.
I performed "Make Up" (Lou Reed), "Sex on a Bed of Nails" (Mailbox), and my own "Call Girl on Layaway." It was a fun/sexy/scary/good time.

24 Jan: Country Ukulele Cabaret
Country Ukulele Cabaret
Date: 24 Jan 2019
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

For this country-themed show, I performed "Country Death Song" by the Violent Femmes, followed by "A Little Blackout" by Only A Mother. I realized those selections were kind of downers, obviously because they are strongly based on the D Minor chord. So I brought the crowd back up with the happier, D Major-based "I Hope That I Get Old Before I Die" by TMBG.
2018
25 Oct: Rocky Horror Ukulele Cabaret
Rocky Horror Ukulele Cabaret
Date: 25 Oct 2018
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

Once again the Ukulele Cabaret celebrates Halloween with an attempt at playing all of the Rocky Horror Show songs over the course of the evening. I took on "Dammit Janet" with the help of Ashley, my fake dead Canadian girlfriend.

Since Spirit Bell had given us connection trouble before, I tried reaching her through the Rite of Mokray, which I found in the Handbook for the Recently Deceased. Ashley had company over, Duane and Karen, and they helped sing the song. (To be honest, their timing was a bit off, but I don't wish to speak ill of the dead.)

I was also called into service to play Dr. Scott in "Planet Schmanet" and "Don't Dream It, Be It." And, for some reason, an ad hoc (meaning being told to do it at that moment) performance of "Time Warp" with Jamie Scandal and Alan Drogin.

Photo by Shannon Ybarra:
21 Jun: Gemma-Ni Ukulele Cabaret
Gemma-Ni Ukulele Cabaret
Date: 21 Jun 2018
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

The rule for this show was that every act had to be a duo. What does that mean for me, someone who is clearly incapable of playing well with others?

Well, I'll have you know that I worked with my girlfriend, Ashley, to put together a lovely set, thank you very much. Ashley (my girlfriend), whom you haven't met because she's from Canada, was going to be visiting that week so I told the show's producers and got onto the bill. Me and my girlfriend.

But Ashley wasn't there. Um, er... well, uh, she died. Yeah. She died that day. But the show must go on, so accompanied by a funerary urn from which the dulcet and ghostly tones of her voice emanated, we performed "Somethin' Stupid" originally by Carson and Gaile but best known from Frank and Nancy Sinatra (because that's not creepy at all for a father and daughter to sing). Then the spiritual connection got lost and I had to finish the set by myself, which is unfortunate because the song was Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract" and I only knew the MC Skat Cat parts. It came out kind of awkward.
17 May: Spring Fling
Spring Fling
Date: 17 May 2018
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

For Uke Skywalker's first appearance in the Red Room, he performed a song from an Earth group: "Point Me at the Sky" by The Pink Floyd. This was followed by a looptacular rendition of "Black Hole / Rocketship reprise" and because it's the signature tune, "Space Invaders." 19 Apr: Don't Judge Me
Don't Judge Me
Date: 19 Apr 2018
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

After an overly long absence from the stage (nearly a full year), I returned with no electronics, no bizarre character - just me and an acoustic ukulele with the promise that I had spent the year really working on my playing skills, instead of covering up my poor abilities with distortion and effects.

Just kidding! I didn't put any special effort into this. That would be selling out! This was my first show in the KGB Bar's Red Room, the new home of the Ukulele Cabaret. I played "Hermitville," "Lingering" (which is my rewrite of "Fingertips" by The Residents), and closed with a rendition of "We've Got a World That Swings" influenced by Mel Tormé's version. Oh yeah, I was dressed like Harry Anderson in tribute to his passing three days prior.
2017
12 May: The Mother of All Ukulele Cabarets
The Mother of All Ukulele CabaretsPlay Video
Date: 12 May 2017
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

I recently picked up a new effects unit, the TC Helicon VoiceLive 3 Extreme, which allows for both instrument and vocal effects. While it has onboard recording, I had pulled the microphone gain within the unit too low so my high quality audio is essentially instrumental only, but there is a YouTube video from the crowd.

And who should be the one to debut this new device? Uke Skywalker, of course! He performed "Space Invaders" (including the speech from "Transmission"), "We Are the Overlords," and finished the set with a cover of Puffy AmiYumi's "Planet Tokyo" (with one chorus borrowing from the Japanese version, "Red Swing"). 10 Feb: Broken Hearts 2017
Broken Hearts 2017
Date: 10 Feb 2017
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Garth Haines ensaddened the masses yet again. This set consisted of "Texas Theatre," "Crushing Monotony," "Away," and Lou Reed's "Perfect Day." And he'd never admit it, but it was probably his best set ever.
2016
28 Oct: Halloween 2016
Halloween 2016
Date: 28 Oct 2016
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Dressed as Dr. Herbert West, I approached the stage with my doctor's clutch, opened it to reveal a green glow inside, a glow that came from my ukulele. Upon plugging in, I treated the audience to a softer, funkier rendition of "It's Halloween," followed by a new song called "Intermission." The banjo uke came out, and after a quick reference to the Gary and Jill song from Blood Harvest, the chicken mask went on and I bok-bokked out a version of "Total Eclipse of the Heart," followed by the same song sung in English. 13 May: The Mother of All Ukulele Cabarets
The Mother of All Ukulele CabaretsPlay Video
Date: 13 May 2016
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Uke Skywalker stopped by our planet again, as he tends to do at this time of the year. He brought along a space virus, though not yet contagious to Earthlings (it was in fact the superflu, of which we already have the previous version, the Superfly).

Anyway, Uke performed three pieces: "Rocketship," Bowie's "Moonage Daydream," and "Home Is A Place In The Sky" with the "Rocketship" reprise. 12 Feb: Broken Hearts Ukulele Cabaret
Broken Hearts Ukulele CabaretPlay Video
Date: 12 Feb 2016
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Oh, Garth Haines, will you ever be happy? Probably not, and that's just how it should be. Tonight's performance opened with "Good-Bye" before going into a cover of "Hit Me Baby One More Time" and then "Far Too Long." The show ended with David Bowie's "As The World Falls Down."

Photo by Shannon Ybarra:

2015
18 Dec: Christmas Cabaret
Christmas CabaretPlay Video
Date: 18 Dec 2015
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

We made it through another year, yay! On this night I performed "Dear Father Christmas" (Neil Innes), "Feast Of Light" (They Might Be Giants, and it also included some lines from their "We Just Go Nuts At Christmastime"), and closed with "Nothing's Going To Ruin My Holiday" (The Vandals). The theme, of course, was that there is bad stuff out there, but let's be warm and positive because our attitude is all we have.

At the conclusion of my set I was joined by Gio Gaynor and Gemma Gracewood to perform the classic "What Can You Get A Wookie For Christmas (When He Already Owns A Comb)?" from the Star Wars Christmas album. 24 Jul: Beach Babes Ukulele Cabaret
Beach Babes Ukulele Cabaret
Date: 24 Jul 2015
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Lemme take you to the beach. La la la la la la la la la la. Oh, that's actually the first song I played, Frank Zappa's "Lemme Take You To The Beach." I followed that with "Suburban Bathers" by The Residents. Then two songs I wrote, "Floating Above You" (which is about visiting Jimmy Hoffa's watery grave) and "The Warriors" which ends at Coney Island, plus nobody showed up to the last Cabaret so it's not like I'm really repeating myself.

All of this on a banjo ukulele. As goat intended. 25 Jun: Revol-UKE-ion 2: Electric Boogaloo
Revol-UKE-ion 2: Electric Boogaloo
Date: 25 Jun 2015
Venue: LP and Harmony, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

A return to LP and Harmony. Intimate show (meaning nobody showed up), which is for the best because I forgot how to play. I'm going to consider this a rehearsal for a future show. Songs: "Nixon Town," "Cathousefish" (Mailbox cover, selected because 25 June is National Catfish Day), "The Warriors," and "Punk Animals" (a Shonen Knife song with a new verse about a goat who likes The Residents). 29 May: Ukulele Cabaret 10th Anniversary Show
Ukulele Cabaret 10th Anniversary Show
Date: 29 May 2015
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

AKA "Night Of 1000 Mermaids," the entire night was a blast. As for my part, I performed "Don't Stop Me Now" and then Gio Gaynor supported me on bass for a song entitled "Ten Years" that I cowrote with David Bowie (not that he's aware of my changes to his "Five Years"). I'm most proud of getting the audience to scream as if they were on the threshold to Hell.

Afterwards I joined the War Ponies during their set, first to provide visual accompaniment to their cover of the Midnight Ukulele Disco theme, and later I played keyboard for their cover of "Close To Me" by The Cure. 01 May: May Day Cabaret
May Day Cabaret
Date: 1 May 2015
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

I was not on the bill for this show, but I assisted Jamie Scandal during her set. She had me on stage assuming the roles of her fantasy husbands. She ended with Monie Love's "Shame" while I danced around wearing a towel and a Michael Fassbender mask.

Photo by Shannon Ybarra:
26 Mar: Revol-UKE-ion
Revol-UKE-ion
Date: 26 Mar 2015
Venue: LP and Harmony, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Viva! Jason Tagg showed off photos he took in Cuba, and the Ukulele Cabaret followed. For my part, it was a Uke Skywalker performance without breaks. Rocketship / Space Oddity / Tommy Can You Hear Me? / See Me Feel Me / Listening To You / Black Hole. 13 Feb: Friday The 13th / Broken Hearts
Friday The 13th / Broken Hearts
Date: 13 Feb 2015
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Garth Haines, the saddest of all broken hearts, on the eve of his depressing birthday, played a quiet set of four songs: "First Snow," "Fall For You," "Forgive Me" and "I'm All Out Of Love" (Air Supply cover done in all minor chords). Sadface.

Photo by Gio Gaynor:
07 Jan: Secret Ukulele Cabaret
Secret Ukulele Cabaret
Date: 7 Jan 2015
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

I can't tell you why this show was a secret. But I can tell you that I dressed as Number Six from The Prisoner and played a banjo-uke, which come to think of it is the kind of thing that should probably be kept secret.

My set included: "Sweet Child O' Mine," "My Little Ukulele," "Lingering," and "Comfortably Numb."


Photo by Gio Gaynor:

2014
31 Oct: Rocky Horror Ukulele Cabaret
Rocky Horror Ukulele Cabaret
Date: 31 Oct 2014
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

The show on the 24th was a truncated dress rehearsal. This one was the real deal. My part was the same set as the previous week, but I also played a shortened and sped up version of Science Fiction Double Feature to amuse/reorient the crowd at the top of the second act. 24 Oct: Rocky Horror Ukulele Cabaret
Rocky Horror Ukulele CabaretPlay Video
Date: 24 Oct 2014
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Finally got to play "It's Halloween" which I wrote back in 2012 for the show that was canceled due to a hurricane. Boooo. My Rocky Horror songs were "Don't Dream It, Be It," "Wild And Untamed Thing" and "Transit Beam." I closed out the set with "Neon Maniacs."

Though my intention was to dress as a Transylvanian, I got a lot of comments on how much I looked like St. Vincent, so if I can dump the jacket and bowtie for an appropriate dress in the next few days, I may just do that for the encore performance. 25 Apr: Uke Skywalker Again
Uke Skywalker AgainPlay Video
Date: 25 Apr 2014
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Uke Skywalker returns with his annual pilgrimage to our planet. He began with "Science Friction" (XTC cover) to calibrate playing for Earthlings, then performed a new song, "Believe" before launching into the always crowd pleasing "Space Invaders." 14 Feb: Broken Hearts
Broken HeartsPlay Video
Date: 14 Feb 2014
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Oh no! Valentine's Day! Did you know that is Garth Haines's birthday? How tragic! He performed the following: "Shoebox," "Fortress Of You," "Adore You" and "First Strike." Then he was surprised by the arrival of a birthday cake and the crowd singing for him. It didn't exactly make him happy. He closed with "Half Past Forever."
2013
13 Dec: Friday The 13th Christmas
Friday The 13th Christmas
Date: 13 Dec 2013
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

This show was interesting in that the organizers experimented with restructuring the room. The stage became an additional seating area, and the performers played pretty much right in the crowd. It was better than I expected it to be, but I'm glad it's not a permanent decision. I performed three covers: "Christmas" (The Who), "Hang Myself From The Tree" (Vandals), and "Nature Trail To Hell" ("Weird Al" Yankovic) - which had a coda of a rewritten "Tiptoe Through The Tulips."

Gio Gaynor took a picture:
23 Aug: Midnight In The Garden
Midnight In The Garden
Date: 23 Aug 2013
Venue: Le Petit Versailles, NYC

Oh what an evil show. Playing an outdoor venue with no lights, only the setting sun to poorly guide your way? Add to this the fact that as Garth Haines I do not wear glasses and I have a stupid emo wig obscuring what vision I still have. I had to be led to and from the stage. But enough of that. Songs I played include: "Away," "You And Me, "Loneliness" (a Residents cover), and "Crushing Monotony."

Photo by Gio Gaynor:
14 Jun: Uke Skywalker Album Release
Uke Skywalker Album ReleasePlay Video
Date: 14 Jun 2013
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Space pal Uke Skywalker returned to earth to promote his new album. Songs in this set included "Don't Stop Me Now" (Queen), "Earthbound," "Unreal," and "Space Invaders."
2012
20 Apr: Uke Skywalker Confides
Uke Skywalker Confides
Date: 20 Apr 2012
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Uke Skywalker's annual orbit brings him back to Earth, and this time he has a story! But first it's a cover medley of The Byrds' "Mister Spaceman" and The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band's "I'm The Urban Spaceman" and Bob Dylan's "Mr. Tambourine Man" because that's how things start. Then the rousing art-rock epic of "Rocketship / Black Hole" which took the audience on a strange and tragic journey.

Diana Alutto's artsy shot:

2011
16 Dec: Ukulele Conquers The Martians
Ukulele Conquers The MartiansPlay Video
Date: 16 Dec 2011
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

I'm dressed as a Martian and playing the banjo uke for a Christmas set. That's so weird, right? I mean, since when do I know Christmas songs? Anyway, I played Tom Lehrer's "A Christmas Carol," "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Christmas At Ground Zero," Hooray For Santy Claus" from, you know, that movie, and then closed with Crow T. Robot's "Let's Have A Patrick Swayze Christmas." Videos shot and uploaded by Duncan Pflaster. 14 Oct: Ricky Blunderbuss
Ricky Blunderbuss
Date: 14 Oct 2011
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

I appeared as the RAWK! character Ricky Blunderbuss, performing three songs: It's A Spider, Neon Maniacs, and Blood Manor. Dianna Alutto snapped a photo of it:

20 May: Garth Haines Is Still Sad
Garth Haines Is Still Sad
Date: 20 May 2011
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Garth Haines came out of his self-imposed exile in order to share his misery with another group of otherwise happy patrons. First he brought false hope with "How About It?" (from The Sorrow Supercedes The Joy) and crushed it with "Away" (from The Philophobe). Sensing he needed something upbeat, he closed with "Dreams Slip Away" (from Slipping On My Tears) but that didn't help matters at all.

Later in the evening I (as myself) joined the War Ponies for a rendition of TLC's "Waterfalls." 15 Apr: Lecture Series
Lecture Series
Date: 15 Apr 2011
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

I recently acquired a banjo ukulele, and the moment I had it in my hands I knew what I had to do. So on this night I dressed up and presented "American Folk Music of the Late 20th Century - Part Three: Grunge." I taught the audience some of the ins and outs of this particular form of music, and played two songs that, while not strictly in the genre, represented the elements perfectly: The Offspring's "Self Esteem" and The Toadies' "Possum Kingdom." 18 Feb: Uke Skywalker Returns
Uke Skywalker Returns
Date: 18 Feb 2011
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

The Cabaret came back to Jimmy's, and Uke Skywalker was there to celebrate. This set featured the old favourite "Space Invaders" followed by a new tune, "We Are The Overlords," and ended with a medley of Bowie's "Space Oddity" and bits of The Who's "We're Not Gonna Take It" - otherwise known as "Major Tommy Can You Hear Me?" It was out of this world.
2010
29 Jan: Hate The Listener
Hate The ListenerPlay Video
Date: 29 Jan 2010
Venue: Banjo Jim's, NYC

Here's what I worked out about the Banjo Jim's crowd: they don't care. I decided the best set would be under 8 minutes, two songs maximum, and if you can be really loud maybe they'll shut up for a few seconds. When I arrived the crowd was actually quiet and respectful, which was going to interfere with my plans. Fortunately(?) they became rude pretty quickly, so when I busted out an insanely loud quasi-speed metal version of "Comfortably Numb" they almost shut up. It was loud and loud and nobody could hear anything. I figured that would get their attention, so I could play "Call Girl On Layaway" and they'd actually listen, but not so much. Le sigh.
2009
20 Nov: The Return
The Return
Date: 20 Nov 2009
Venue: Banjo Jim's, NYC

The Ukulele Cabaret has a new home after a year's hiatus. Banjo Jim's gets really crowded, really fast. It seems to be the local watering hole, where the music is secondary for the clientele, despite being (in my opinion) a pretty targeted place (I mean, there are banjos and mandolins decorating the place). I performed two songs from the new Public Domain Project record, "Katey And Her Kodak" and "Song Of The Guaranteed Wage." I think one person paid attention. Then I put on a walrus mask and played my medley of "I Am The Walrus / Piggy In The Middle / Mole From The Ministry" and the crowd took notice, including a photographer from the Daily News who would have blinded me with all the flashbulbs pops were my eyes not fortunately covered by a ridiculous rubber mask.

Photo from Rick Bruner:
13 Nov: Lost In Playland
Lost In Playland
Date: 13 Nov 2009
Venue: The Duplex, NYC

A repeat performance of The Icky House Club's Halloween show, in which I performed as Uke Skywalker, singing "La La La, Rock And Roll." I think this second show was much better. Something magical was in the air.

Photos by Jason Specland:


24 Oct: Lost In Playland
Lost In Playland
Date: 24 Oct 2009
Venue: Don't Tell Mama, NYC

The Icky House Club asked me to come out of performance exile and be a special guest in their special Halloween show. Actually, they asked Uke Skywalker, but let's not split bright red hairs. Our favourite uke-playing spaceman sang the Mickey Zetts classic "La La La, Rock And Roll" and tore that place up!
2008
08 Nov: Fire In The Hole
Fire In The HolePlay Video
Date: 8 Nov 2008
Venue: The Zipper Factory, NYC

Some important factors for this show: long absence from playing live; new venue; new time; my home burned down. I brought a smoke-smelly ukulele and played "That Night" which is about a relationship breaking up in the wake of a fire, the TMBG Fingertip "Everything Is Catching On Fire" and closing with "Burning Down The House" from the Talking Heads. I also became the sound guy for this show, so there is a possibility that my set sounds worse than everyone else's, or vice-versa. 31 May: Weepy Emo Crap
Weepy Emo Crap
Date: 31 May 2008
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

I had been working the past month on an album entitled "Slipping On My Tears: A Collection Of Weepy Emo Crap." With that came a new character, Garth Haines. This was his first public performance. It may be a while before he plays again, because the audience reaction made him sad. He played three tracks from his album: "Stranded," "If You Let Me Go" and "Circles." 26 Apr: Ukulele Cabaret
Ukulele CabaretPlay Video
Date: 26 Apr 2008
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Um... I didn't have a theme for this set. Uke Skywalker tapped me out creatively this month. But I did play an entirely serious song, "Half Past Forever," took away all sense of decency with "I'd Like To See You," and finished off with a Neil Innes cover, "My Little Ukulele." Rock ensued. 04 Apr: Ukulele Rejects
Ukulele RejectsPlay Video
Date: 4 Apr 2008
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Uke Skywalker returned to Earth and melted the people's brains. New outfit, new glasses, new ukulele with red LED lights, old technical problems. It has been said that my performance was the most rejected of the Ukulele Rejects. Setlist: "Sandman," "Home Is A Place In The Sky," and "Suffragette City." 23 Feb: Ukulele Hero
Ukulele HeroPlay Video
Date: 23 Feb 2008
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

I had been sick and spending my time at home playing Ukulele Hero. For this performance, I brought in my laptop computer to show off my Ukulele Hero skills. I played They Might Be Giants' "Destination Moon" and Chainsaw Kittens' "heartcatchthump" (rocking out with scores of 74% and 84%, respectively). 26 Jan: Single Awareness Day
Single Awareness DayPlay Video
Date: 26 Jan 2008
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Some people call it Valentine's Day. Others, Lupercalia. Me, I know it as Single Awareness Day. So with lack of love in the air I performed "Valentine's Day Mascara" and "Worst Boyfriend" with the help of a true love: the Line 6 Pocket POD. And you can't have a POD onstage without going nuts, so I also treated the crowd to a metal version of the Inspector Gadget theme. If you missed this show, it's probably because you had a date, and people like you don't deserve to see it anyway.
2007
27 Oct: Thpooooky
ThpooookyPlay Video
Date: 27 Oct 2007
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Halloween ain't nuthin' but witches 'n' ghosts. I played three pieces for the season, all covers. "This Halloween" by Dolph Chaney, which I also played in my first live show back in 2001. Then I played a medley of The Residents' "Demons Dance Alone" and "Fire Fall" with Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" thrown in for good measure. I finished with "Superheroes" from The Rocky Horror Show. 25 Aug: Things I Hate
Things I HatePlay Video
Date: 25 Aug 2007
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Nothing brings people together quite so much as mutual hatred. I played three songs written about things I hate. "Get Over Yourself" (I hate people who think they are better than others), "The Delta Blues" (I hate the airlines), and "Oil!" (I hate war for profit). 19 Aug: Twelfth Night
Twelfth Night
Date: 19 Aug 2007
Venue: Clinton Cove Park, NYC

I played guitar for Holla Holla Productions' presentation of Twelfth Night in Clinton Cove Park during the first three weekends in August (two shows each Saturday and Sunday, at 1pm and 5pm). Words by William Shakespeare (or "Billy" - I can call him that because he's dead) and music by Mickey Zetts (or "Mr. Zetts, sir!" - he's still alive). I got to wear a hat with a feather in it! 09 Jun: Movie Night
Movie NightPlay Video
Date: 9 Jun 2007
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

I declared it "Movie Night" and played songs I had written about movies. "The Island" went over as well as could be expected for a song that discusses the plot elements of a movie that nobody saw. "Neon Maniacs" did better because I was practicing my rock faces throughout. I closed with the newly-written "The Warriors" which didn't get the huge response I was expecting when I got to the "Warriors, come out to play" part. I need to reevaluate what I consider to be a popular and/or well-known movie. 28 Apr: Glam Night
Glam NightPlay Video
Date: 28 Apr 2007
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

No matter what I do between now and my death, I will probably only be remembered for the character of Uke Skywalker, a Ziggy Stardusty ukulele player I dreamed up back in 2001 but never had the guts to appear as until this show's Glam Rock theme was announced. I simply thought it would be an opportunity to finally use the wig I'd bought all those years ago, but it has grown into an institution.Probably nobody remembers anything outside of the outfit, but for the sake of completeness, I played "Good Enough To Eat," "Space Invaders" (newly written for this show) and closed with a singalong of David Bowie's "Starman." 31 Mar: April's Fool
April's FoolPlay Video
Date: 31 Mar 2007
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Weird night at the Cabaret. Not good weird, just... weird. Odd energy in the crowd. *shrug*I played four songs: "The First Of April," "Always Cursing," "Hey Rube!" (a Public Domain song I wrote that week) and a quasi-Violent Femmes cover, "Ukulele Music." 24 Feb: Residents Set
Residents SetPlay Video
Date: 24 Feb 2007
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

I had threatened to do a full set of Residents songs, and tonight I made good on my promise. I played "Blue Rosebuds," "The Observer/The New Hymn" and "Lingering" (my expanded rewrite of "Fingertips" from The Commercial Album). Oh, yeah, and I was also wearing a bunny suit I got from the gamelan orchestra that opened for them in San Francisco. 23 Jan: Midnight Ukulele Disco
Midnight Ukulele DiscoPlay Video
Date: 23 Jan 2007
Venue: MNN Channel 56, NYC

I got invited to appear on the weekly ukulele show, and I had a blast! It was a new experience being interviewed as a musician. I brought along two videos I had shot over the weekend ("First Snow" and an updated version of "Whiskers"). We also showed my Cabaret performance of "If All The World Were Paper" and I played some songs live on the air: "Neal's Maggot," "Our Love Violates Corporate Policy," and "Call Girl On Layaway." After the broadcast we also recorded me playing "Paperback Writer" (co-written with Adam Rabin) but that video remains in the vaults.
2006
30 Dec: New Year's Eve Eve
New Year's Eve EvePlay Video
Date: 30 Dec 2006
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

I didn't have a lot of time to prepare for this show, so I decided to do two songs that I play by default when I pick up the uke while sitting on the couch: "If All The World Were Paper" and the Neil Innes classic "How Sweet To Be An Idiot." Familiarity did not help me out, as I completely blanked on the Innes song. But you live. 02 Dec: Thanksgiving Leftovers
Thanksgiving LeftoversPlay Video
Date: 2 Dec 2006
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

Very good show. I opened with the Dukes Of Stratosphear's "25 O'Clock" with a distortion pedal that surprised/scared some audience members (mission accomplished). I then went into a couple of Bobofest songs ("Why We Smile" and "My Baby Left Me On Bobofest"). I closed out with another cover, "Pictures Of Matchstick Men," employing the Robert Zimmerman device.
30 Sep: Ukulele Cabaret
Ukulele CabaretPlay Video
Date: 30 Sep 2006
Venue: Jimmy's No. 43, NYC

My first appearance at what would soon become my performance home. Nervous and shaky, I messed up my own song, "Floating Above You" and pretty well destroyed XTC's "1000 Umbrellas." After the break I played "Science Fiction Double Feature" with pals Duncan and Jason providing the rude callbacks. 31 Jul: Show & Tell Open Mic
Show & Tell Open Mic
Date: 31 Jul 2006
Venue: Bowery Poetry Club, NYC

I did this show because I was getting a lot of requests to play live. I didn't understand. But I was told this was a great place to play. Whatever. It started at 10pm on a Monday night, and though I was halfway down the list of performers and a strict time limit was enforced, I didn't go on until 1:30am. That means this weekly show goes on until something like 4am on a Monday?!

Anyway, I stuck it out and played "Our Love Violates Corporate Policy" and "If All The World Were Paper." Appreciative crowd, but I'm never going back there.

2004
16 May: Piano's Open Mic
Piano's Open Mic
Date: 16 May 2004
Venue: Piano's, NYC

Signed up with the talent of "punkulele" and played first with the Dead Kenndys' "Holiday In Cambodia" (house rules limited performers to one song). Crowd seemed to like it. Then Jason Trachtenberg went up and sucked the life out of the room (mind you, I love his songs, but he annoys the hell out of me as a live performer).
2002
29 Jul: Radio Bean No Guitar Open Mic
Radio Bean No Guitar Open Mic
Date: 29 Jul 2002
Venue: Radio Bean, Burlington, VT

In late July 2002 I took a trip to Burlington, Vermont to visit with some darling friends, and also to see a Mailbox show. The Mailbox show was unfortunately cancelled, but I was then promised the rare privilege of sitting in during a Mailbox band practice. Unfortunately the practice was also cancelled. Irving (the Mailbox frontman) said that "by hook or by crook" I was going to enjoy a live performance.

So we found an open mic night, one specifically dictating "no guitar." So, armed with ukuleles, we went. Through some kind of luck and/or trickery, I was scheduled to go first. Yes people, I was the opening act for everybody to follow. I played four songs:

Double Bacon Cheeseburger
Crushing Monotony
If You Let Me Go
Holiday In Cambodia (Dead Kennedys cover)

Irving went up after me. His set included "Cathousefish," "Venus" (Shocking Blue cover) and "Hey Miss Gypsy" (a personal favourite of mine which I learned that night I know better than Irving). Yes folks, I saw the incredible Irving muck up a tune. To redeem himself though, he enlisted my aid and together we played and sang "The San Antonio-West Virginia Energy Malaprop Incident." It was perfect. (if you are not familar with the song, you should be - you'll at least be impressed that we both knew all the lyrics).

Unfortunately there is no recording of this show. It will live on in Burlington legend, to be passed down generation after generation, until the story is embellished so much that a religion is based upon it, and people kill each other all because of our ukulele duet. Gosh, that sucks.

2001
30 Oct: Live At Ralph America
Live At Ralph America
Date: 30 Oct 2001
Venue: Ralph America, Oakland, CA

On Tuesday, 30 October 2001, I played my first live gig. I was very nervous, for two reasons: 1) well, duh, playing live is a harrowing experience, especially when you've never done it before, and 2) "musician" is not a word that people consider when describing me.

And as if that were not enough pressure, I was playing at Ralph America. Yes, that's right, Ralph America, the place at which everything The Residents do winds up. The idea was that I would open for the Fab Four's Halloween show in San Francisco, but separated a bit in time (I played a day early). The Ralph office is also home to the place that books Jello Biafra, so the pressure in doing my Dead Kennedys cover was also immense.

How did I get through it? I put it on as a comedy show. The joke being that I was pretending I didn't know how to play! Okay, I don't think I fooled anybody, I'm sure they all knew I was terrible, but I do believe the show was enjoyed by everyone who didn't leave in the middle of my performance.

All in all, fun was had. The show was recorded digitally in anamorphic widescreen, so expect a DVD to be released someday. But don't hold your breath.
The Setlist (with notes):

Double Bacon Cheeseburger
The first single from the St. Olaf Emergency Statue Fund. I'm not hip hop enough to do this song justice. But I certainly can "sing like a fool."

Superpickle Dot Com
A song I wrote about a website, I think. I think it went pretty well. Made a minor mistake or two in the chords.

I Am The Walrus
Beatles cover, one of the few songs that I did perfectly (yeah, I know, of all songs, the one I do correct is the one nobody would even notice if I messed it up). The bridge incorporated "Piggy In The Middle" (Rutles) and "Mole From The Ministry" (Dukes of Stratosphear aka XTC).

This Halloween
Dolph Chaney tune. One of the best songs in the world. I cut out the last two sections for fear of ruining it. I should have done the whole thing.

Diseased, Deceased
I don't think this went over as pure silliness. I introduced it as "one of those songs you write when you're 17 years old," because... because I wrote it around that time, and it's a really bad stupid retarded teen angst song. There was no giggling that I noticed, however.

Hybrid Moments
I asked the crowd: Who likes punk music? One person responded. I asked: Who likes hillbilly bluegrass music? One person responded louder. So I did this Misfits song as a hillbilly bluegrass number. When I finished, I was informed that Glenn Danzig was on the phone with a lawsuit.

I'm The Urban Spaceman
The Neil Innes song done in the style of Bob Dylan. Lots of fun. I made a mistake somewhere, so I changed a line to "I never let my friends down, I've only made one boob" - but the impromptu change led to a second boob. Oh well.

Probably Stolen
I intended to cut this St. Olaf song in half, but I didn't rehearse the truncated version enough, so there's this space of me just playing and talking about forgetting the words. However, that made the last verse really work though ("I can't seem to sing it / Oh where are the lyrics? / They're probably stolen by persons unknown").

Henry The Mouse's Tea Party
I asked the crowd "is anybody here against racism?" Only one response. I've since decided that the group was silent not because they were racists, but because they were being quiet out of some form of respect. Song was good though. Mailbox would be proud.

G Chord
This was the song I was going to do to prove I could actually play the guitar. First I was going to play this horrible "G Chord" song, and then go into a competent version of the Beatles' "A Day In The Life" which segues midway into "Cage & Aquarium" by TMBG. However, due to the lack of a tuned guitar, I left it at the bad guitar playing stage.

Garcon Heureux
I spent a very long time learning how to sing the Beat Farmers' "Happy Boy" in French. I didn't mess up the words in performance, but had to slow down somewhat to get them all out. Aside from my mastery of French not being mastery, I think it went well.

If You Let Me Go
Live amp distortion for this rocker. My little distortion thingie sounded more like a feedback fuzzbox this time around. I didn't like the sound, but it seems to have been received well.

Holiday In Cambodia
Always end with a high energy Dead Kennedys sing-along. Despite my warnings to the contrary, though, somebody was still singing "smoke pot" at the end. Some people just don't understand.


ENCORE
Encore?!! They wanted more, or at least were polite, so I went into a terrible version of the Residents' "Constantinople," which I totally forgot the lyrics to (hey, it's not like I listen to the Rz all that much). I think I saved the day by flying in lyrics from the Four Lads' "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)."

Rocky Horror 2022
Date: Thu, 27 Oct 2022
Venue: Red Room, KGB Bar, NYC

Oh this one was a joy. This year I was assigned the song "Eddie's Teddy," so I began my set with a cover of "Teddy" by The Residents, a song with one chord (Gm) and an audience participation chorus of the phrase "touch me." (You see how clever I am, making this a bridge from an earlier Rocky Horror song?) Anyway, that went pretty well, and then I went into the main song.

Ashley joined me to sing Columbia's line, and when I got to the part about Eddie's letter, the audience called out "what's it say what's it say?" and I let them decide if I should read the letter to them.

They chose yes.

So accompanied by plaintive violin music worthy of a Ken Burns documentary, I read Eddie's letter, stylized as a Civil War soldier's correspondence. Of all the things I've done on stage, this ranks way up there among the most awesome / most stupid ever. It took five minutes to read, and was met largely with amazed disbelief: "How is this even happening?"

This is all based on some very solid performance advice, which is "give the audience a gift, then make them regret it."